I ran across this article on networking in one of my favorite newsletters – Early To Rise – and thought I would pass it along.

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in you."
- Dale Carnegie

Are You Listening?
By Ilise Benun
Everyone tells my friend Andy that he is a good listener … because he doesn’t say much. And I’m thinking the reason he doesn’t say much is because, well, he’s not really listening.

He may start off by asking great questions and listening to the answers, but his mind wanders. You can see it in his eyes. Maybe he’s thinking about what he’s having for dinner. Maybe he’s thinking about his girlfriend. Maybe he’s even imagining that the person he’s talking to thinks he’s a complete bore.

Whatever is going on in his head, Andy misses out on a lot because of it - like new project opportunities or suggestions that could help him improve his business. But he’ll never know.

Listening is one of the most valuable skills a businessperson can develop. And all it requires from you is to be attentive. To be curious, sincerely curious. To ask questions because you are genuinely engaged in the conversation and interested in the person in front of you. To be willing to take in new information and ideas and act on what you hear.

You needn’t advise, coach, or even sound wise. All you have to do is sit there and take in what’s being said - which, for some people, turns out to be a pretty tall order.
 

Here are some concrete suggestions to help you build your listening muscle:

1. Be open. Being open means forgetting (or at least setting aside) everything you know about the person or the topic and listening with every ounce of your attention.

2. Be interested. Most people try to be interesting when they should be interested. To be a truly successful communicator, you must be curious about and fascinated by the way another person’s mind works. You must want to understand others, to know more about what they think and feel.

3. Don’t be distracted. Give your full attention to the conversation. Don’t let your eyes wander if someone enters the room or passes by. Don’t answer your cellphone. Don’t check your watch. These are all signals to the other person that what he’s saying isn’t important to you.

4. Don’t interrupt. Resist the urge to respond immediately to something the other person says. Learn how to hold your thoughts until it’s your turn. Speaking just for the sake of speaking won’t add to the conversation. It’s more likely to derail it.

5. Reveal yourself. Being a good listener doesn’t mean all you do is listen. A good listener also reveals information about himself that makes the other person feel more comfortable about opening up. For example, if someone tells you about a struggle he is having, wait until he finishes. Then, without shifting the focus onto yourself, respond with a bit of information about a similar struggle of your own.

6. Ask unexpected questions. Don’t ask a question you think you know the answer to. Ask "Why?" or "Why not?" Use unexpected questions to find out what makes the other person tick. You may get an unexpected response that could take the conversation on a more interesting path.

7. Ask for clarification. You are not a mind reader. If the other person uses jargon or terms you don’t understand, or makes statements that confuse you, ask, "When you say ____, what do you mean?" Or, "Can you expand or give me an example of ____?"

8. Take advantage of an occasional lull in the conversation. Don’t feel that you have to fill in a moment of silence with a forced question or comment. Hold back … and see what the other person will reveal.

Most people listen with the intent to reply. But it’s better to listen with the intent to understand. If you listen with the intent to reply, you’ll spend your time thinking about what you’re going to say next, and you’ll miss what the other person is telling you. If you listen with the intent to understand, you will hear more - not only what they are actually saying but also what they are implying.

Nothing affects the quality of your relationships more than your willingness to listen to others. Start listening better today, and you could see big changes in your personal and business life - better friendships, more (and better) clients, more respect, and more attention when you speak, too.

[Ed. Note: Ilise Benun is the author of Stop Pushing Me Around: A Workplace Guide for the Timid, Shy, and Less Assertive

This article appears courtesy of Early To Rise, the Internet’s most popular health, wealth, and success e-zine. For a complimentary subscription, visit http://www.earlytorise.com.